He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
