I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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