she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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