Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize