i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
