My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
