I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
