did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
