ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize