I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
