eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
