True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
