She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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