so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
