Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
