My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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