6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
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