I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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