You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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