He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
