Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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