Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
