No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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