You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
