That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
