my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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