Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
