im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
