no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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