if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You can't motorboat a personality
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
