You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Someone signed my nipple.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
