dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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