Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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