dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
