took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
