My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
where are you?
Hypothermia
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
