Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
