nut hugger
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
