question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
