But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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