good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize