Moan for me like Helen Keller
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
