Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
