Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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