yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
