i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
