I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
