How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
