Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
