talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
