WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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