I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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