Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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