At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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