my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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