so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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