Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
