I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
