did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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