some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
